Bullying: Walkersville Community Speaks Out On a Continuing Problem

WHS Lions Pride Original Story:

by Eikaiva Boyer

Hush, it is a secret: a well-known secret. A secret that every person knows about, but people ignore it, like it does not happen, like it never happens. But it does; bullying is a dirty little secret.

“One out of every four students report being bullied during the school year.” (Source: National Center for Educational Statistics)

“9 out of 10 LGBT (initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender)students experienced harassment at school and online.” (http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/issue-bullying/)

282,000 students are physically attacked in high schools each month. (http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/issue-bullying/)

We have all read articles and pamphlets about how serious bullying is. But if we know how serious it is, why does it seem like so many people turn a blind eye to it?

Bullying “is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.” (http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definitio

The following are personal definitions of the word “bully”:

Junior Ashley Wilcom:“A person who makes another person feel small, or inferior whether it be physically, emotionally, or mentally. The harm they cause affects the victim’s psyche.”

Kim Schaltegger (mom): “I would classify him/her [bully] as a person who has limited empathy for others. Either by environment, upbringing, or defect. I would not ‘fault’ a bully, rather teach them how to interact with others as they just may not have had that opportunity yet.”

Alum Mitchell Shoemaker: “A bully is a person fighting a battle the wrong way.”

A bystander is “a person present but not involved; chance spectator; onlooker”. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bystander)

The following are personal definitions of the word bystander.

(English teacher) Diana Sung: “People are bystanders because they don’t know what to do out of shock, are afraid of attracting attention to themselves, don’t trust that if they try to do something about it they won’t be successful, or they feel it could make it worse for the person being bullied. I believe there are different levels of standing by. Sometimes the person could be accused of being a bystander, but maybe the person wasn’t aware of the situation they were in at the time. There’s also the not-caring bystander.”

Wilcom: “A person who witnesses, or has a correlation to the bullying who doesn’t interfere, or help the victim at all.”

Alum Darryl Warren: “A person who will watch someone get bullied, acknowledge that it’s bad, but does nothing to stop it (just as bad as a common bully).”

Schaltegger: “Someone who is an inactive participant. As long as they are aware of a wrongdoing and choose to ignore behavior, they are just as guilty as the offender.”

I personally feel that being a bystander is just as bad as being a bully. Afolabi agrees, saying, “Unfortunately, most of humanity chooses to be bystanders.” I feel that you were given a voice, use it. Sometimes, doing that simple thing could save a life.

Principal Tracey Franklin states her opinion. “Nowadays, it’s so much easier to hide behind our words rather than face to face.  Hiding behind Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, parents do it too, to administration. It’s a problem and it’s getting worse. These words you can’t get away from. If [mean] words are said between two people, if you hear them, and remember them, they’re gone. You can remove yourself from that situation. When they are on a phone they get tweeted, retweeted, snapchatted, and sent to multiple people — you can’t get away from it. You could be sitting in the privacy of your own home, eating dinner with your parents, and you turn on your phone and the words could be right there. Back in my day, home was safe for me; when I got home to my parents I was safe. You’re not safe anymore because social media is such a large monster to tackle.”

“I do think globally we are not turning a blind eye [to bullying] I think young people today are living in a world very different from 30 years ago. They’re promoting recycling, and doing more community service. Teenagers ARE more involved in global issues.”

Franklin makes a good point. She says if you ask a random teenager if liking or retweeting a mean tweet or post about someone is being a bystander, or helping the bully, most will say no, “All I did was like it.” It’s just like being the bully.

Franklin continues, “Being online, you have no excuses on not speaking up. When you hit like or retweet, you are making a conscious effort to validate the behavior. Not only are you witnessing it and not doing anything, you are engaging into it and not doing anything about it. I think if you’re physically seeing it and you don’t do anything, I don’t think it’s right.”

“But, there are reasons to not engage. Some do not partake because they come from abusive homes and it scares them, some think if I retaliate against this child they’re gonna come after me. Not physically doing anything at the moment does not mean you agree with it, you just might not know how to respond.” She also points out that once being nice is considered “cool,” people bullying one another will stop. But is that possible?

She continues with, “I’m concerned, I’m very concerned about our society and this generation. We’ve been reconditioned to believe what bullying is. The people who think bullying isn’t a problem have been so ingrained in the culture of adolescents now, that they don’t even recognize what’s happening around them. The people who walk around the school and don’t physically see people with bruises, or people getting picked on because they learn at a lower level of education, etc,  these people are using the old definition of bullying,” says Franklin. The older definition of bullying is the physical fighting. Below, the voices of Walkersville High and other communities have a much different story to tell.

Junior Kylie Andrew shares her brother’s story. “My brother got bullied last year. It was his first year of middle school, and on the bus. Kids always picked on him and ended up calling him fat. He wouldn’t eat much, so we had to make sure he ate.” She then shares her personal feelings. “Bullying makes me upset because it can cause real mental and health issues. People don’t realize how bad it is. They really make people upset, and I hate hearing about bullying issues. Also, bystanders are just as bad because they know something is wrong, but they don’t do anything to help it.”

Afolabi shares her personal story of being a victim of bullying. “It all started in middle school. I had originally gone to a private school, so I was pretty sheltered and didn’t know how mean people could actually be. I was a new student, and everybody else had their own friends. It was hard to fit in somewhere, and it [the bullying] started with teasing. The tormentors were people in my classes, people that I thought were my friends, and even random strangers. Since I was new to the public school system, I didn’t know how to respond to the bullying. I reacted badly to them by lashing out, and I got angry and upset which only made it worse. Middle school was the worst three years of my life. Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can cut much deeper.” Afolabi to this day is still a victim of verbal bullying. Luckily, it’s not as bad today for Afolabi.

(Mom) Janice Smith adds her story. “In the lunch line trying to talk to those ‘popular girls,’ their response was to make eye contact with me, obviously noting my intent to be nice, turn back and say nothing.  Trying to sit with them at lunch tables, they move away.  Before the cliques formed, I was friends with some of them, good friends, neighbors, grew up together but now things were different.  Another example: language arts. [The] project was to create an invention. [There was an] intention to form a group [for the project].  I tried with many different people to form a group or be a part of theirs with responses of, ‘We have enough already.” or ‘Nope.’  On my own, [I] made the best invention in the class! [Here is] a great example. [I] tried out for cheerleading for years, but never made it until eighth grade when I was magically selected to varsity basketball, (with no prior cheer acceptance). Why was I selected? Oh, maybe because NOW I was good enough.  That year I had the cool clothes, I was wearing makeup, doing my hair the ‘popular way,’ had a boyfriend. Now I was cool enough. [I] talked to a “real friend” who had always been my friend and got responses from the fellow cheerleaders of “Why are you talking to her?” Because she had always been my friend, “Oh, but she was poor and uncool.””

Smith continued with, “Needless to say, I quit cheer after that and decided it wasn’t them that was too good for me, but me that was too good for them.”

Smith joined the high school marching band and she was taunted with the name “band nerd.”

“[I] Started hanging with the other ‘rejects’ many of whom ended up being life long friends.  It’s sad that so many schools have these stupid little cliques and the bullied people have trouble with self esteem, self confidence, and sense of self period.  It is wonderful to grow up and get past that stuff, but it always stays with you. Thing is, even in those times I knew that many of those girls had their own personal struggles and only had their “popularity” to fall back on.  One had a brother commit suicide when we were in middle school, and one had an alcoholic father. These popular girls were no different from any of the other girls, they just dealt with it in an immature way,” says Smith.

Another bullying victim is junior Bailey Coop. Here’s her story, “I had these girls bully me my freshman year. They wrote notes to me saying all the things they didn’t like about me, and I can say that it almost drove me to suicide. I’m so happy I didn’t because I have friends who love me for me and support me through my flaws.”

(Mom) Daisy Kiley shares her experience, “I had to switch schools twice in middle school (6th and 8th). Being new at a school where everyone else is established is a disaster waiting to happen. I was bullied in both cases. A big part of the reason was that I didn’t have the tools to deflect it. These tools should’ve come from my parents. My sixth grade teacher didn’t help matters by doing a bunch of really thoughtless things which exacerbated the situation. Kids will throw barbs at other kids for a million different reasons. Sometimes it’s because you’re ‘different’. My schoolmates never knew a girl named Daisy.  A lot of times kids aren’t even trying to be mean,. But, if the target takes the bait, it can get ugly.”

Mother Kristi Kimmel also shares her experience. “I was bullied in school. We didn’t call it that back then. It made me feel like I was different and odd. As I grew older and became more comfortable with myself. I realized all the things people said we’re weird, or odd about me made me who I am. I like me. If I see someone being bullied now, maybe they are old, handicapped, different, or whatever the case is, I speak up.”

Sophomore Meaghan Andrews says, “I think bullying is definitely something that is brushed under the rug a lot. Maybe because some people don’t notice, or maybe they are just choosing to ignore it but it is a big problem. I have personally been a target of bullying and I can tell you it isn’t fun, and it makes you feel really bad about yourself.”

Warren says, “Throughout elementary and middle school I was bullied on an almost daily basis because I wasn’t “ghetto” (and all things that go along with that word) and my love for alternative rock. I was always labeled “white boy” or “Oreo” because I wasn’t a stereotype. I remember in middle school a lot of people would call me a racial slur.” Warren started having thoughts of suicide so he started to see a therapist. “For about a year I saw a psychologist and he helped me a lot. Since being in music and theatre for so many years, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be different. It taught me to love myself and embrace my flaws and insecurities.”

Senior Brianna Wilson shares her personal story. “One time, a girl on my bus tried to choke me because I was “sitting in her seat” and my bus driver and all of the kids around didn’t say anything.”

English, theatre, and ceramics teacher Heather McFadden says, “I was the “new girl” a lot growing up because I was a military brat. I was an easy target because I didn’t know who to trust and who to stay away from. When I moved the final time in high school, I was gathered to the fold of a group of ‘mean girls’ who dropped me off quickly when the novelty of my ‘newness’ wore off. Luckily, I got involved in clubs and activities that I was passionate about and made friends with people who had those same interests. I’d like to say that the ‘mean girl’ issues go away as we get older, but sadly there will always be people who will make others feel bad so they can feel better.”

Senior Steven Seighman shares his story. “For years I’ve been harassed and called names by adults and people my own age.” The bullying got worse for Seighman as time went on, he too had thoughts of suicide. “And it goes to show that no matter what age, people can (and will) bully you and can make you feel worthless.”

As you can see bullying is a very real thing and IT IS happening. Adults and kids need to open up their eyes and they’ll see it. They’ll finally see what bullying can do, and is doing to my peers and the other kids at every school. The real problem is that there is no real discipline for this behavior unless it’s a full blown out physical fight. No fight? Then the problem keeps happening, it’s that simple.

Junior JT Andrews shares his own thoughts on bullying. “I think the biggest problem about bullying is that we don’t recognize the bully in ourselves. Everyone has bullied someone before, whether it was intentional or on accident. In order to end bullying we have to stop trying to change other people. Every one of us must make a difference in ourselves and set an example based upon our own experience fixing our imperfections. The moment we realize it’s not cool to be mean to our friends, even if we are joking, will be the moment everyone realizes that bullying altogether isn’t nice, nor is it a good way to live. As far as bystanders go, if they are helping the bully, then they are bullies, not bystanders.

“If we want bullying to stop, we need to stop bullying ourselves because we all know what it’s like to be bullied, and it sucks.” Andrews also states that you don’t have to run and tell an adult, it’s as simple as just sticking up for the kid.

Smith states her opinion. “[An example of bullying is] when a person attempts to strike up a conversation with someone and the other person either completely ignores them, responds with a rude comment, gives a nasty look, or physical avoidance.  A bystander in this example may do the same thing or even add to the nasty comment to the bully or to the bullied person.  This is what you most see in the school system and what I definitely experienced on several occasions growing up. The thing I did learn by being on the “bullied” end of things was that even the bullies deserve kindness because there is a reason they are the way they are.”

Wilson states, “Bullying is awful, and it truly hurts the people who get bullied. Bystanders are awful because they don’t help or anything, they just let it happen.”

McFadden says, “As I have grown up, I have tried to remember that not everyone has to like me and that’s okay. My energy is better used with people who want to be around me. I have a strong sense of my own values now, and that’s where I direct my energy.”

Kiley says, “ Sometimes the expression “leveling” is used to explain what bullies do. They feel low on the totem poll and attempt to bring their victims down to the bully’s lowness. I remember a TV episode of One Day at a Time (late 70s) where Valerie Bertinelli’s character Barbara was trying really really hard to be liked. Her mother said, “Barbara, whatever you do, some people will like you and some people won’t. So don’t try so hard, and then some people will like you and some won’t.” That has always stuck with me.”

Coop states her opinion. “I feel like bullying people is a waste of time and energy. We should all learn to love each other with the flaws we have because let’s be real, we’re all not flawless.”

We need to start sticking up for our peers and other people around us. We need to take the time to be aware of our surroundings. For those out there that are being bullied, this is for you.

Smith’s advice: “Never let a bully define you. Just because they may have made you feel like less of a person, doesn’t mean you are less of a person, and you should never settle for that kind of treatment from anyone.  We are all created to be different so we can grace the world with our gifts, cherish the things that make you different, weird, and awesome!  Who wants to be like everyone else anyway?  Well, I once did like most of us, but now I take pride in being the “black sheep!””

Franklin says, “I think young people need to be trained in what to do in that kind of situation. And there’s different levels of it, ‘What do I do if I see someone doing something or saying something?’” Which I think is an excellent idea. “It’s like when you pass a car or train accident on the side of the road, and you feel bad about it, but only a few people will actually pull over to help. When you do like and retweet mean stuff on social media you’re engaging into it.” Franklin says that she owns a twitter page that she always keep 100% positive. She wishes to see students doing the same type of things instead of negative pages on social media.

Wilson’s advice: “If anyone is getting bullied, it’s okay! Tell as many adults as possible, as many times as possible even if it gets worse. It truly does help, and also don’t let it get you down; you’re all beautiful people.”

Warren’s advice: “If you’re feeling like you want to harm yourself and/or other people, do not compartmentalize your feelings by any means.. Seek help from someone you trust.”

Kiley’s Advice: “ believe the best protection against bullying is confidence and a sense of humor. If you can laugh and say yeah, I’m fat; yeah, I’m short; yeah, my name is unique, you usually find you won’t be bullied. ” (By not caring what they say about you, and not letting it get to you.)

Kylie Andrew’s advice: “Let someone know. It won’t get better until you say something. They may pick on you more, but you have to be the bigger person and think (to yourself) that you are better then them.”

Meaghan Andrews advice: “No matter how afraid you might be, you need to tell someone that it is happening.”

JT Andrews advice: “Be confident in yourself and defend others when they are in need.”

And finally Seighman’s advice: “Never change who you are for anyone’s likings. Be yourself, express yourself, and learn to enjoy yourself for who you are.”

Next time you see someone being verbally/physically bullied, see a tweet or post on social media that isn’t very nice, repeat this to yourself- “Today I will finally do what’s right, and put a stop to this bullying fight.” -Anonymous